TASTE & SEE: The Rector's Musings
My father, 李煦恩 (romanization: "Li Hui Yan", with the surname preceding the first name as in Chinese convention), died peacefully surrounded by loved ones last Sunday in Richmond General Hospital. I received the "come now" phone call from the hospital on my way to St. Dunstan's, turned around, and managed to arrive just minutes before he breathed his last. Dad died less than one day after he was informed that there were incurable tumours in his liver and pancreas. For my family and me, the magnitude of grace behind the impeccable timing of death for a life well lived was quite something to behold and marvel at. My family spent this past week in the company of my aunt Carrie and eldest cousin Chris, both flew in from Toronto. We looked at old pictures, exchanged family stories, and shared many of my dad's favourite dishes as we mourn, grieve, and ponder the reality of death.
My dad's name means warm and gentle (煦) grace (恩), perhaps because his immediate sibling, an older sister whom he never met, lived only a few short months. As messages of condolences began to pour in from all directions in the last few days, I caught a glimpse of a fuller picture of my dad's life and the influences on others I was not previously privileged to observe. I have been musing on the reciprocity of God's warm and gentle grace throughout his life and am convinced that he was both a recipient and a giver (or a conduit) of such grace.
The most common use of the character 煦 ("hui') in Chinese is as an adjective to describe the warm and gentle sunshine. The sun came out just in time last Sunday and hung out throughout most of this past week. Bathing in the warm and gentle sunshine, I felt that I can hear the voice of his Loving Maker saying to him,
‘Well done, good and trustworthy servant.... enter into the joy of your master.’ (Matthew 25. 21)
I thank the Rev'ds Paul Guiton and Jeanne Forte for stepping up at short notice and taking care of worship and Anglican 101 last Sunday. I am also deeply grateful for the prayers and messages from this amazing community of St. Dunstan's. You are lifting my family and me in the warm and gentle grace of God.
2 Comments
Dear Clarence,
I have no doubt that your dad is in God’s presence. During my career in funeral service I was privileged to witness God’s blessing to show us that life doesn’t end with death, “There are many rooms in my house”.
When I was working in Regina a young boy was dying from Leukaemia. His family was Romanian Greek Orthodox and the priest shared this story with us. He was bed ridden but at home with his parents. One day his mom went into his bedroom to check on him and noticed his bedroom light was on. After checking on him she left turning off the light. Hours later she went back to check and his bedroom light was on. She knew her son couldn’t have turned the light on and that her husband hadn’t either. She turned the light off and again it was on . This kept happening so she just left the light on. As the time for his death grew closer the boy told his parents not to worry about him as his grandfather was waiting for him. His grandfather died before he was born. They asked him how he knew it was his grandfather and he described him right down to the clothing his grandfather was buried in. The boy went on to describe the burial plot right down to the shrubs around it. When the boy was moved to hospital his bedroom light stayed on. Days later the parents were called to the hospital as the time was close. They locked their house and rushed to the hospital. Their son died shortly after. The priest was ecstatic and said that this was a true sign from God.
When they got back home they went to their son’s bedroom and found the light was off.My dad always came out to the door step to waive goodbye after a visit. He did this by waiving the “V” for victory sign. When my dad died my mum asked me to see if I could get the TV in her bedroom to receive the signal, the night after his funeral. I worked away for quite a while and finally got the TV to work long enough for an actor to come out onto a bare empty stage. The actor waived goodbye with a “V”for victory sign and went out. I couldn’t get the TV to receive a signal after that. This was a sign from my dad to say I’m okay and you will be too. I know I can’t see him but I know he’s just in another room.
When Greta‘s dad died, we witnessed a similar experience. I can remember Roy saying to me “ I hope my life as a priest has not been for nothing”. I guess his imminent death was creating some doubt. When we came home from Calgary several days after his funeral, I came home from work, and Greta said to me “look at the chair”. I looked over and saw our cat Theo curled up, sleeping on the seat and said “what”. She said, look at the back of the chair and as I did, I saw a cross.. Greta said I have vacuumed that chair and that cross won’t come out that’s dad and it was him telling us that everything he preached was true and we hold that in our hearts, even though we can’t see him.
I share this with you so that it may comfort you and to know that your dad is just in one of God’s many rooms.
So sad to hear your family news. I was happy to hear you were with your dad and family when he passed and I know god was surrounding your family on that sunny Sunday. My thoughts are with you